What We Didn't See of The Dark Knight
by TheGeekNextDoor
Summary: This is a skit I wrote for me and my friends for our High School's Comedy Night. The Deleted Scene: What happened to Batman and Harvey before the buildings blew up? Jessica Fletcher the famous murder mystery writer showed up of course! READ ME!
1. Jessica Fletcher meets the gang

*******Side Note:**** I'm still fixing a few things so bear with me =] I'm still fixing the Harvey/Rachel Dialogue (Which explains the big space between Rachel's 2****nd**** line and Harvey's 3****rd****) and a few spelling errors =]**

***Just so you know, Jessica Fletcher, one of the characters, is a character Craig Ferguson does (Yes, Jessica Fletcher is supposed to be a guy acting like a girl, but the character is really a girl. Look up Craig Ferguson Murder She Wrote on Youtube and this skit will make a lot more sense) =] Enjoy!**

(Light's come up on Harvey strapped to chair unconscious, with "drums of oil" around him)

Rachel off stage: Can anyone hear me? Hello?

Harvey in chair: (Wakes up) Rachel?

Rachel off stage: Harvey? Oh Thank god Harvey…. You're okay.

Harvey in chair: It's okay Rachel everything's going to be fine… Can you move your chair?

Rachel off stage: No. Harvey we don't have much time—

Harvey in chair: Look for something to free yourself.

Rachel off stage: They said only one of us was going to make it. That they'd let our… friends choose…

(Harvey is moving chair)

Rachel (O.S.): Harvey? What's happening?

Harvey in chair: Nothing. I'm trying to…

Rachel (O.S.): Harvey, just in case… I wanna tell you something okay…

Harvey (I.C.): Don't think like that, Rachel. They're coming for you.

Rachel (O.S.): I know they are, but I don't want them to… I don't want to live without you and I do have an answer, and my answer is yes…

(Batman bust in)

Harvey (I.C.): No! No! No! Not me, why are you coming for me?!... (Batman gets Harvey up and tries to take him offstage) Rachel! Rachel! Rachel! Rachel! Rachel!

(They go off stage for a second, stage lights go down, come back up, the two of them come back onstage, Harvey still fighting)

(Jessica Fletcher comes in)

Jessica Fletcher: Oh dear, he's really putting up a fight.

Harvey: Rachel!

J. Fletcher: Pardon me, Has there been a mur—der?

Batman: This building is about to blow! We have to get away.

J. Fletcher: Oh—h how exciting!

Batman: Exciting? How is that—… Wait a second,(Harvey stops fighting and looks up at him to see what it is) aren't you Paul McCartney?

J. Fletcher: Oh—h no, no, no! I get that all the time! I'm Jessica Fletcher, the famous murder, mystery writer!

Harvey and Batman: Oh—h.

J. Fletcher: Now let me through, I must go in to see who blew up this building!

Batman: No one's blown it up yet. We need to get away from here, this building is going to blow soon!

J. Fletcher: Well maybe I can be of some assistance; I am the best detective slash cop slash murder mystery writer around!

(Commissioner Jim Gordon comes in) Gordon: Not if I have a say in it!

J. Fletcher: Jim Gordon! What are you doing here?!

Gordon: The better question is what are you doing here Fletcher? I'm the best cop around here, plus it's Commissioner Gordon now!

J. Fletcher: Really? Oh wow, congratulations! I leave for a few years and miss a lot!

(J. Fletcher and Gordon laugh)

Harvey: Guys? Building! Gonna go boom!

Gordon: Oh yeah I almost forgot. Fletcher you have to leave now!

J. Fletcher: But I can help find the person who did it! I ask the most wonderful questions!

Gordon: No you ask one question, and all it is (In woman voice) Has there been a murder?!

J. Fletcher: Wait, has there been a mur—der?

Batman: There's gonna be if we don't get out of here!

Gordon: Besides we already know that the Joker's behind all this.

J. Fletcher: Hmmmmm, the Joker… nope never heard of him. It must be someone else, someone close, someone li—ke you! (Points at Batman)

Batman: What? Why would I try and blow up people I need to save! Especially Harvey and Rachel.

J. Fletcher: I don't know you tell me, Bat. Man. If that's even your real name!

Gordon: She's got a point Batman, you could gain from saving them. You know, make yourself look good.

Batman: This is ridiculous!

J. Fletcher: Or is it! Which brings me to ask you Batman… Has there been a murder?!

Harvey: What's going on?!!

J. Fletcher: We're solving a murder mystery, so you just sit tight and relax little Harvey.

Harvey: How do you know my name?

J. Fletcher: Uhhh, ummm, I saw you… on T.V.

Gordon: No you didn't… Jessica. You've been following us for the last few months but mainly me…

(Batman and Harvey gasp)

Gordon: That's right, I've been onto you… Ever since you left me, back in college.

Batman: What the hel—?

J. Fletcher: You caught me James! (She goes to Gordon)

Harvey: I think I'm hallucinating…

Batman: I must be too… Gordon you went to college?

Gordon: Yes of course… they have college for everything now. But wait… if you think it wasn't the Joker… and it wasn't one of us… then who was it?

J. Fletcher: Someone who knew both the victims, someone who had access to all the supplies, someone who had enough time to do all this and still seem unsuspected…. Which leads me to non other than… the billionaire's butler! Alfred Pennyworth!

Harvey, Gordon, and Batman: What?

(Alfred comes out from somewhere hidden on stage with stuff making it look like he did it) Alfred: Alright you caught me.

J. Fletcher: Dame I'm good!

Batman: But Alfred, how could you?!

Alfred: I was jealous, all this stuff about Harvey and Rachel and all them… plus _Bruce_ (Looks at Batman) wouldn't give me a raise and an extra paid holiday!

Batman: Well, _Bru—ce_, would have done it if you'd said please!

Alfred: (Surprised) Really?

Batman: Uh huh.

Alfred: Oh… well I'm just gonna go turn myself in… And by the way, here's the thingy that really makes the buildings explode… (Hands detonator to Gordon and walks off) See you in ten to twenty!

Gordon: Wow… I guess everyone goes bad.

Batman: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Gordon: Very insightful Bruce!

Harvey: I feel like I've heard that before… oh well! Wait second… if Gordon's here… and you're here (Pointing at Batman), then who's saving Rachel?

Rachel (O.S.): I'm still here! On the phone inside! I've been listening the whole time! Nothings happened yet! The timer just keeps ticking and ticking and ticking! It's reaaallly annoying! Seriously, I just want to kill this thing!

J. Fletcher: Oh, oh, oh! Has there been a mur—der… of a phone-bomb-thingy?!!

Gordon: Rachel! We'll be right there! Don't move!

Rachel (O.S.): If I could move I would have left already!

(They are about to run of when Ronald Weasly run's in)

Ron: Oh look guys! I found the source of the mysterious ticking! It's a phone-bomb-thingy!

(Cheering offstage)

Harvey, Rachel, Gordon, Batman, and J. Fletcher: Ronald Weasly?

Rachel (O.S.): What?

Harvey: He's reeaaallll!! (Harvey looks like a little kid on Christmas)

Rachel (O.S.): Who's real?

Batman to Gordon: He's a big Harry Potter fan.

Gordon: Who isn't?

(Gordon and Batman laugh)

Rachel (O.S.): What's going on?!!!

(Ron walks up and takes detonator from Gordon while they're laughing)

Ron: Oh what's this button do? (Looks at button)

Everyone else on stage: No!

(Ron pushes Detonator button)

(Stage goes black)

(Evil Joker like laughter off stage)

***So what did you think? It will change constantly as I improve it, don't forget to read and review!! =]**


	2. UPDATED SKIT! Some funny changes made

(Light's come up on Harvey strapped to chair unconscious. with "Drums of oil" around him)

Rachel off stage: Can anyone hear me? Hello?

Harvey: (Wakes up) Rachel? Rachel is that you?

Rachel (O.S): Harvey! Thank god you're OK. I thought...

Harvey: It's OK, Rachel. Every thing is going to be fine. Can you move your chair?

Rachel (O.S): No. Harvey, we don't have much time--

Harvey: Look for something to free yourself.

Rachel (O.S): They said only one of us was going to make it. That they'd let our... our friends choose...

(Harvey starts moving chair, trying to move free)

Rachel (O.S): Harvey? What's happening?

Harvey: Nothing. I'm trying to...

Rachel (O.S): Harvey, just in case... I want you to know something...

Harvey: Don't think like that Rachel. They're coming for you.

Rachel (O.S): I know, but I don't want them to... I don't want to live without you. Because I do have an answer, and my answer is yes...

(Batman _bursts_ in)

Harvey: No! No! No! Not me! Why are you coming for me?!...

(Batman gets harvey from chair and struggles to take him off stage) Rachel! Rachel! Rachel! Rachel!

(Batman/Harvey go off foe a moment, stage lights go done and come back up. Batman/Harvey come onstage, Harvey is still struggling)

Harvey: No! Rachel!

(Jessica Fletcher enters)

Jessica: Oh dear, he's really putting up a fight.

Harvey: Rachel!

Jessica: Pardon me, has there been a murrrder?!!

Batman: What? No! This building is about to blow, we have to get away!

Jessica: Oh how exciting!

Batman: Exciting? How is that--... Wait a second, (Harvey stops fighting and looks up to see what it is) aren't you Paul McCartney?

Jessica: Oh no no no! I get that all the time! I'm Jessica Fletcher; the murder mystery writer.

Harvey and Batman: Ohhhh.

Jessica: Now, if you'd excuse me, I must go in to see who blew up this building!

Batman: No one's blown it up yet! Plus we already know who it was. Now, we HAVE to move NOW. This building could blow at any second!

Jessica: Well maybe I can be of some assistance. I am the best detective slash murder mystery writer around!

(Commissioner James Gordon comes on)

Gordon: Not if I have a say in it!

Jessica: James Gordon! What are you doing here?!

Gordon: The better question is what you are doing here Fletcher? I'm the best cop around here, plus it's Commissioner now.

Jessica: Really? Wow, you leave for a few years and you miss a lot.

(Jessica laughs, Gordon's still trying to figure out how she got there)

Batman: Sorry to interrupt your little reunion or whatever this is but do I need to remind you again, BUILDING! GOING TO BOOM!

Gordon: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Fletcher, I'm sorry but you need to leave. Now!

Jessica: But I can help you find the person who did it. I ask the most wonderful questions!

Gordon: No because first off we already know who did it. Second, you only ask one question and it's (In woman voice) Has there been a murrrder?

Jessica: Wait, has there been a murrrder?

Batman: There's gonna be if we don't get the heck out of here!

(Jessica starts to talk but Gordon stops her)

Gordon: Fletcher! For the last time; we already know who did! The joker set this whole thing up!.

Jessica: Hmmmmmmm, Joker... Nope, never heard of him. It must be someone else, someone close, someone likkkkke you! (Points at Batman)

Batman: What? Why would I try to blow up the people I need to save! Especially Harvey and Rachel.

Jessica: I don't know, you tell me. Bat. Man. If that's even your real name!

Gordon: She's got a point, you could gain from saving them. You know make yourself look good or--- wait, what the heck am I saying? Batman wouldn't, no couldn't do that!

Batman: Thank you Gordon (Looks to Jessica) That's ridiculous.

Jessica: Or is it? Which brings me to ask you Batman; has there been a murrrder?!!

Harvey: What's going on?!!

Jessica: We're solving a murder mystery, so you just sit tight and relax little Harvey.

Batman and Gordon: No one's been murdered!

Harvey: Wait a second, how do you know my name?

Jessica: Uhhh, ummmmm. I saw you... on T.V.. Yes T.V.

Gordon: No you didn't... Jessica. You've been following us for the past few months, but mainly me...

(Batman and Harvey gasp)

Gordon: That's right, I've been onto you... Ever since you left me, back in college.

Batman: What the he--?

Jessica: You caught me James! (She goes to Gordon)

Harvey: I think I'm hallucinating...

Batman: I must be too... Gordon, you went to college?

Gordon: Yes, of course. They have college for everything. But wait... if you think it wasn't the Joker... and if it wasn't one of us... then who was it?

Jessica: Someone who knows both the victims, someone who had access to all the supplies, someone who had enough time to do all this and still seem unsuspected... Which leads me to non other tat... the billionaire's butler! Alfred Pennyworth!

Harvey, Batman, and Gordon: What?

(Alfred comes out from somewhere hidden on stage with stuff, making it look like he did it)

Alfred: Alright, you caught me.

Jessica: Dame, I'm good!

Batman: But Alfred, how cold you?!

Alfred: i was jealous, all this stuff about Harvey and Rachel and all them... plus Bruce (Looks at Batman) wouldn't give me a raise and an extra paid holiday!

Batman: Since when do you take holidays!

Alfred: I don't know but it's always nice to know you can have them!

Batman: Well Brucccee, would have done it for you if you'd said please!

Alfred: (Stops what he's doing and looks and Batman)(Surprised) Really?

(Batman nods head yes)

Alfred: Oh.. well I'm gonna turn myself in now... Oh and by the way, here's the detonator that makes the buildings explode.... (Hands detonator to Gordon and walks off) See ya in ten to twenty!

Gordon: Wow, I guess everyone goes bad.

Batman: You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Gordon: Very insightful Bruce.

Harvey: I feel like I've heard that before... but yeah really good Bruce... BRUCE! What? Bruce, your Batman! Oh my god!

(Gordon realizes what he's just said, Batman rolls his eyes, Jessica just stands there looking around "investigating")

Gordon: Thanks a lot Gordon.

Harvey: Wait! If Gordon's here, and you're here (Pointing at Batman), then who's saving Rachel?

(They all look at each-other for a minute)

Batman: Gordon!

(Gordon and Batman start arguing)(Harvey and Jessica try breaking it up) (While they're arguing, Rachel comes on with a Starbucks coffee without them noticing)

Gordon: Sorry I--.

Batman: You were suppose to go get her! Not come here! I mean seriously--

Gordon: I well excusssse me mr--

(They all realize Rachel's there)

Everyone except Rachel: Rachel?

Rachel: Yeah.

(Harvey runs to her and hugs her)

Harvey: Thank god, I thought I was never going to see you again! How did you--?

(Batman and Gordon look confused)

Rachel: Well, while you guys where having your own little dilemma, I made myself useful and got the heck out of there while I could. It was quit easy actually. Even had enough time to go by Starbucks a few blocks down.

Gordon: I am so confused!

Rachel: That dame timer just kept ticking and ticking and ticking! It was reeeaallly annoying! Seriously, i just wanted kill this thing! So I used the anger I had towards the ropes holding, which was a lot of anger and--

Jessica: Oh, oh, oh! Has there been a murrrder... of a phone-bomb-thingy?!

Rachel: What?... Wait is that the detonator?

(Suddenly Ron Weasly run's in)(He looks off stage as if talking to someone)

Ron: Oh look guys! I found the source of the mysterious ticking! It's a phone-bomb-thingy!

(Cheering offstage)

Harvey, Rachel, Gordon, Batman, Jessica: Ron Weasly?

Harvey: He's reaalll! (Harvey looks like a little kid on Christmas)

Rachel(To Batman and Gordon): He's a big Harry Potter fan.

Gordon: Who isn't?

(Everyone except Ron starts laughing)

(While they're laughing, Ron walks up and takes detonator from Gordon)

Ron: Oh what's this button do? (Looks at button)

Everyone else on stage: No!

(They all run to try and stop Ron)

(Ron pushes detonator button)

(Stage goes black) (Evil, Joker Laugh heard off stage)


	3. Author Announcement: Guess what!

Hello my wonderful readers! Great news: My high school's comedy night is next week and my friends and I are doing the skit :-) But here's the twist, none of the guys we know could do it so we improvised, and to make it even funnier, everyone in the scene is really a girl. So except Rachel(Who I'm playing) and Jessica, all the girls are playing guys! (But technically, Jessica is a girl playing a guy playing a girl) :-) Wish us luck!

~ObessedWithCinema

PS: By the end of next week it will be on you-tube so I'll give you guys the link :-)


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